I feel truly grateful that in a sense it is through writing and speaking that I begin to author my life in a new way and truly take ownership for being me, even if it means that the life I have known, and those in it, will need to learn to relate with me in a new way or let me go. I think that I am finally getting that to stand as who I am, in my own power, is not about pleasing others, it is about being in service to others by showing up everyday to the divine in me.
Making it a priority to show up for ourselves, with the authority to be, is where it seems that the ego plays with us in the concept of "ME" being more important than another. Yet if we see it, the "Ego ME" has nothing to do with the "Divine Me" - because the ego wants in a way to have glory for itself, recognition, and power over others, etc., there is no WE in an "Ego ME." In fact even when you look at the letters W & M it is clear that they are exact opposites of each other. Where as the "Divine Me" is living in service to the cosmic impulse of love from within, or the God/Goddess within. This view literally puts ONEself first, and brings a glorious attention to the "Divine Will" of who we already are; the DNA already encoded within our essence. In this way the "Divine Me" always recognizes, and is aware of the greater purpose, and in the willingness to hold a deep commitment to be passionately in service to that desire, by naturally offering the gifts of one's essence. It is about a conscious presence with our divine mission, our own unique calling or purpose in the world. In this way being centered on ONEself really is the exact opposite of the ego's version of being "Self-Centered" that is literally asking others to be centered on us, to be in service to our wants, needs, and desires.
Yet even in the midst of our ego centered desires, of "trying" to get what we want, the reality is that most of us don't really know what we want, because we really don't know who we are from the perspective our own unique essence. There are stories, after stories, after stories about people who have achieved all of their external goals and desires, but still felt empty and unfulfilled inside. And of others who sit in the 'thinking' that by reaching the goal of all their external desires, that then they will have "earned the right" to be happy and "have it all." And then there are those who have given up altogether, and play the victim role in such a way that they no longer believe in possibility at all, and they sometimes become destructive to themselves and others. Each one of these creates a world where we literally get so caught up in the "externals" of our life in some form or another, that we loose sight of, or fall asleep to our inner most desires, or the "Soul Essence" of who we are.
Then there is the other extreme of "letting go" of all the external desires in such a way, that we think we are being in service to something greater and in this extreme get caught up in putting a concept of a God outside of ourselves as more real than being in service to our own Divine Essence within. A life like this might look and even feel like we are doing something really good - we are being "unselfish" and "sacrificial" but it still comes down to, whose voice are we listening to? The voice of ego or the voice of Spirit? That in another way is a very tricky part because we have not been taught to listen to the voice of wisdom inside of us. We have been taught to listen to others; parents, teachers, bosses, church leaders, friends, lovers, etc. etc. etc., and yet who or what are they listening to? What is our personal responsibility and our freedom of choice?
You may begin to see how in so many ways the ego has anchored itself through many layers as being "right" and labeling inner wisdom as being "wrong." So then, how do we break through this cycle of illusion and layers of deception? The only way is to go within, to get quiet enough away from the chattering mind and voices outside of us, to really STOP and listen. An experiment to practice this with, might be to write down a question and then simply STOPPING the mind from jumping in with an answer. Instead of 'trying' to get an answer from our head we create the S P A C E to really listen from within. To hear the SOULution, we need to be inside the gap between our thoughts where the true answer lives. This answer however may not be what the ego mind wants to hear, and a resistance to receive it fully may appear, or a decision to disregard the answer all together. In many ways it takes a lot of work to "let go" and trust our inner wisdom and the unknown. It is the human nature of our mind, to want to know, or to be in control because it provides a sense of safety, comfort and security.
I know myself I have been fooled many, many, many times into "thinking" I was "right" or I was "doing good" when in reality I had lost my way, I had lost sight of my Divine Self. I was instead building an illusion that actually encased the Divine Self like a prisoner, deep, deep within. It wasn't until the illusional casing shattered that I started to wake up and began to start discovering just how far away I had wandered from the path of my Divine Self. Even though all along the way I could feel something insistently tugging at me, like a child tugging on her mother's skirt calling for her attention. So even though I did lots of things that felt pretty noble, pretty "God-Centered" etc., it wasn't from a place of allowing the Divine Self to live from within. In that way I was never truly in service to "Divine Will" or being the vessel of the unique aspect of the Divine that can only be expressed through me. I was still very much caught inside the illusion of being in service to a "Life" outside myself.
While in all of this, I am not denying that there are many great causes "out there" or that there is not a lot to do externally in the world. I am recognizing that the only way a really lasting difference can be offered is by getting to know who we are from a divine perspective. As we open to offering the gifts of our own unique expression in the world, we can work together in an even more genuine way, and actually accomplish a lot more by tapping into our own unique essence. A place of honoring the divine and supporting that focus for one another, as we grow and expand in the joy of our greatness in wonderful ways.
Just imagine for a moment a world where each person dances with the divine greatness of who they are, how powerfully free and beautiful such a place would be. Where instead of rejecting the seed of life we have been given we respectfully cherish each aspect of its unique expression. As beings who are in service to its full flourishing, this becomes a bountiful garden of love, where there is great joy and happiness. A colorful landscape alive with the brilliance of our divine creative intelligence, where we exist as a co-creative partner with Great Spirit. Where each relationship we have expands the circle of divine expression. If such a garden was the result of simply learning to STOP and LISTEN to the voice of wisdom from within, if such a world was possible, wouldn't you want to be totally centered on ONEself?
Yet even in the midst of our ego centered desires, of "trying" to get what we want, the reality is that most of us don't really know what we want, because we really don't know who we are from the perspective our own unique essence. There are stories, after stories, after stories about people who have achieved all of their external goals and desires, but still felt empty and unfulfilled inside. And of others who sit in the 'thinking' that by reaching the goal of all their external desires, that then they will have "earned the right" to be happy and "have it all." And then there are those who have given up altogether, and play the victim role in such a way that they no longer believe in possibility at all, and they sometimes become destructive to themselves and others. Each one of these creates a world where we literally get so caught up in the "externals" of our life in some form or another, that we loose sight of, or fall asleep to our inner most desires, or the "Soul Essence" of who we are.
Then there is the other extreme of "letting go" of all the external desires in such a way, that we think we are being in service to something greater and in this extreme get caught up in putting a concept of a God outside of ourselves as more real than being in service to our own Divine Essence within. A life like this might look and even feel like we are doing something really good - we are being "unselfish" and "sacrificial" but it still comes down to, whose voice are we listening to? The voice of ego or the voice of Spirit? That in another way is a very tricky part because we have not been taught to listen to the voice of wisdom inside of us. We have been taught to listen to others; parents, teachers, bosses, church leaders, friends, lovers, etc. etc. etc., and yet who or what are they listening to? What is our personal responsibility and our freedom of choice?
You may begin to see how in so many ways the ego has anchored itself through many layers as being "right" and labeling inner wisdom as being "wrong." So then, how do we break through this cycle of illusion and layers of deception? The only way is to go within, to get quiet enough away from the chattering mind and voices outside of us, to really STOP and listen. An experiment to practice this with, might be to write down a question and then simply STOPPING the mind from jumping in with an answer. Instead of 'trying' to get an answer from our head we create the S P A C E to really listen from within. To hear the SOULution, we need to be inside the gap between our thoughts where the true answer lives. This answer however may not be what the ego mind wants to hear, and a resistance to receive it fully may appear, or a decision to disregard the answer all together. In many ways it takes a lot of work to "let go" and trust our inner wisdom and the unknown. It is the human nature of our mind, to want to know, or to be in control because it provides a sense of safety, comfort and security.
I know myself I have been fooled many, many, many times into "thinking" I was "right" or I was "doing good" when in reality I had lost my way, I had lost sight of my Divine Self. I was instead building an illusion that actually encased the Divine Self like a prisoner, deep, deep within. It wasn't until the illusional casing shattered that I started to wake up and began to start discovering just how far away I had wandered from the path of my Divine Self. Even though all along the way I could feel something insistently tugging at me, like a child tugging on her mother's skirt calling for her attention. So even though I did lots of things that felt pretty noble, pretty "God-Centered" etc., it wasn't from a place of allowing the Divine Self to live from within. In that way I was never truly in service to "Divine Will" or being the vessel of the unique aspect of the Divine that can only be expressed through me. I was still very much caught inside the illusion of being in service to a "Life" outside myself.
While in all of this, I am not denying that there are many great causes "out there" or that there is not a lot to do externally in the world. I am recognizing that the only way a really lasting difference can be offered is by getting to know who we are from a divine perspective. As we open to offering the gifts of our own unique expression in the world, we can work together in an even more genuine way, and actually accomplish a lot more by tapping into our own unique essence. A place of honoring the divine and supporting that focus for one another, as we grow and expand in the joy of our greatness in wonderful ways.
Just imagine for a moment a world where each person dances with the divine greatness of who they are, how powerfully free and beautiful such a place would be. Where instead of rejecting the seed of life we have been given we respectfully cherish each aspect of its unique expression. As beings who are in service to its full flourishing, this becomes a bountiful garden of love, where there is great joy and happiness. A colorful landscape alive with the brilliance of our divine creative intelligence, where we exist as a co-creative partner with Great Spirit. Where each relationship we have expands the circle of divine expression. If such a garden was the result of simply learning to STOP and LISTEN to the voice of wisdom from within, if such a world was possible, wouldn't you want to be totally centered on ONEself?